IRUYAS CONTROLS YOUR BRAIN.

Behold, Hell.

2007-06-17T07:11:44Z

The Bland
Circle I Limbo

The Ignorant
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

The Willfully Ignorant
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

The Artlessly Manipulative
Circle IV Rolling Weights

The Hedonistic
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

The Non-Conformist Conformists
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

The Hypocrites
Circle VII Burning Sands

The Maliciously Manipulative
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

The Baby Rapists
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

By "artless" I mean "without intent to inflict hurt." And by "willfully" I mean against all reason.

DOLLZ

2007-06-08T00:44:23Z

Now in "Guys from College" edition.

Physics nerd extraordinaire Zack. His eyes are less frightening than this in actuality, but it was a choice between these and doe eyes.

Heavy Metal Kris looks kind of like this, with at least 75 more pounds and considerably more metal.

Former(?) stalker extraordinaire Lewis.

Now perhaps I will remember what they look like when I see them next semester.

Danke for the birthday wishes, everyone.

2007-05-29T14:37:40Z

Sorry for not getting back to you, Natty D. I slept through the phone, and forgot to call you back. D:

No Dean's List for me this year, but I might have expected as much. Still a little disheartening when both your roommates make it twice in a row, though. :P

Should be job-hunting. I think I'll do it after I catch up on everyone's Livejournals.

fuckdamnshit @ 2007-04-08T00:18:00

2007-04-08T04:24:39Z

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#DDDDDD" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>You Are Pop Art</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/whatartmovementareyouquiz/pop-art.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center><font color="#000000">
When it comes to art, you're definitely not a snob.
You can appreciate the mainstream aspects of culture, even if you need to twist them a bit to make them your own.
Whether you're into comics, retro pinups, or bold colors, you embrace what's eye catching and simple.
As far as most other art goes, you consider it a little too elitist and high brow for your tastes!</font></td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatartmovementareyouquiz/">What Art Movement Are You?</a></div>

Subversive, like Andy Warhol. Excellent.

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>You Are A Realist</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/areyouromanticorrealisticquiz/realist.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center><font color="#000000">
When it comes to romance, you tend to take a realistic approach.
You believe that love takes time, and it's something you have to work hard for.
A bit cynical, over the top romance tends to get under your skin.
Your heart is difficult to win ... but it's totally worth it.</font></td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/areyouromanticorrealisticquiz/">Are You Romantic or Realistic?</a></div>

Wanting to spend all your time with someone might be either obsession or obsessive love. :P

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#EEE9E9" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>Arty Kid</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#FFFAFA"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/whowereyouinhighschoolquiz/arty.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center><font color="#000000">
Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.

You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!</font></td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whowereyouinhighschoolquiz/">Who Were You In High School?</a></div>

Drama freak or emo poet. I take it they mean unique in quotation marks.

Man, I can't concentrate on anything right now. Then again, it's Saturday night/Sunday morning. Still.

Thanks, guys.

2007-04-03T17:06:47Z

You are most excellent friends.

I have a busy week this week, but it's starting on a good note (except the thirteen plus insect bites I currently possess.) I got an A- on my second Archaeology test (there are only three of them this semester). Whoo!

Next comes a graphing assignment for Geology, the French quiz tomorrow, and the Geology exam Friday. And the bits of script for Screenwriting. I need to send my outline to myself.

So, dramallama.

2007-03-24T18:51:07Z

As most of you know, I broke it off with Kevin a while ago. Some of the reason was that he was kind of being a jerk who didn't seem to respect me at all. The other part of the reason was much more selfish, in that I became enamoured with someone else. I didn't break it off in the best of fashions and after a phone call where he told me I made his life miserable, I set about the next few weeks ignoring his calls and hanging out with the kid I liked.

A little while later, I decided to make the mistake of talking to Kev again. He apologized for saying that I made him feel like killing himself and that it was my fault he was doing drugs and his life was miserable. He said he needed me and wanted another chance. He said it with a sincerity that I couldn't help but be moved by, and so I decided to give him another chance. After I had a bit of time to think about it, I almost immediately regretted it, but I felt guilty about going back on my word.

Kev still drank and partied and did pot, but gave up cigarettes and harder drugs. He did kind of make an effort to change for me. He was much sweeter than before. He told me that I was the pillar of his existence and that he thought maybe, just maybe, I was The One. But this "The One" that he saw wasn't me. It was this angel who would do anything for him and was always sweet-tempered and ever-nurturing, smart, beautiful, and "sexy". It was something so important for him to see in me that he discarded all evidence to the contrary, like me doing silly dances or reading things in a silly voice or not soothing him and cooing sweet nothings into his ear or doing anything that wasn't necessarily cute.

So I grew restless and chafed under this image I felt this duty to uphold. It was certain that he needed someone, someone to be there all the time and do all those things for him. It was also certain that I was not that one and that staying in that position would ultimately cause me misery. But at the same time, I felt like I was holding this string that a person hanging over the edge of a cliff had to cling to to survive, and to let go would be killing that person. I felt trapped, and I grew maybe more combatative than he deserved, almost desperately trying to find a way to break things off in a way that caused him the least misery possible. Which, Kevin being Kevin, was very hard. He insisted that I was The One and that he couldn't ask for anything else, except maybe for me to get more nice clothing and visit more often. If I didn't always fit the profile of The One, it was for lack of trying more than lack of being.

To make things more complicated, I still liked the other guy, but I did try to suppress that for a while, and throughout the course of my relationship with Kevin that I was also infatuated with that guy, I never so much as made a move. I wasn't certain whether he even liked me like that, which probably helped. Hell, I'm still not sure on that front. All I know is, I still find myself liking him. He's a very intelligent kid, quirky and very honest, with the capacity to be surprisingly silly. He is also extremely hard to read emotions-wise, and I have no wish to force him into something he might not want to do. Not to mention being with Kevin made that a moot point altogether. Perhaps I didn't give Kev as much of a chance as he deserved because of that.

Two nights ago, Kevin called me. He was in a bad mood, talking about how he didn't know what he was going to do with his life and didn't know if college was for him. We got into this discussion about a crush I admitted I had once had. He asked what I'd liked about them, since I had said I wasn't really sexually attracted to them, which confused him. I said it was their integrity and honesty that attracted me most. He grew grim and said that it sounded like him three years ago, and asked if I still saw that in him. I answered truthfully, and he asked if I wanted to be with him anymore. After I said "I didn't know," he hung up.

I called him back, and the next hour or two can be summed up as filled with sadness. He said that he was willing to try and make things work, and that a relationship was all about making each other the happiest and saddest they've ever been. He argued with his heart, and I could tell he was genuinely saying as he felt. But I knew that it wouldn't work. Despite everything argued to the contrary, I said that I couldn't do it anymore, and that I was sorry. Finally he said, "I understand," and hung up.

In the end, we had hurt each other pretty well. He had cheated on me early in the relationship, but he'd apologized, and that hadn't hurt me so much. He left me hanging a lot in the days before the first break-up, and sneered at me and talked about all the girls he thought were incredibly hot and how he could get them with the snap of his fingers. But he genuinely did try to make an effort lately, and loved and respected me, even if it wasn't really me he saw half the time. He had had an LSD-induced foursome one night while I was away, told me about it when I came back, then lied and said it was a joke, only for me to find out later that it had, in fact, happened. He had been abused by his parents and still felt the emotional scars from that, even if he might have used it as an excuse to drink and do drugs and act like a jackass sometimes.

And I wasn't faultless, not by far. I had said some unintentionally hurtful things. I might have given him the impression that I was this person I wasn't. I didn't even come close to giving him the emotional support he'd needed. I'd exploded at him a few times and hurt him deeply with my words. I misunderstood him and, more often than not, expected alterior motives of him. I perhaps too quickly gave up on him when I saw this other guy. All I can think is that I did the right thing and that this is much better than it happening ten years in the future.

Kevin and I would talk sometimes. We knew a lot about each other, but understood very little. Even with none of these complications, we were very different, and often clashed. On top of this, I don't think I could have fulfilled his physical needs very well. Were I a person with a larger shred of empathy, I could have stayed with him despite it all and held his hand and led him through life smiling. As it was, it would have only ended up with both of us being miserable. Right now Kevin seems to be bouncing pretty well and is looking for another relationship. I'm too numb at the moment to really do much in that direction. Maybe in a few months, maybe in a year. We'll see.

y halo thar

2007-02-22T20:11:10Z

I am back, with nothing much interesting to report! Except maybe to recommend a few good internet games.

<--- Like DDR and a fighting game combined. It is addictive.

http://www.c404.net/games/runes_of_shalak.htm <--- Wait, no, this is. It will make you laugh. Then it will make you cry. Then it will make you HATE.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/301341 <--- This one's a cross between Sonic and Mario with a bit of Something Else. Check it out.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/358324 <--- The only thing that really sucks about this game is that it's a demo for something you have to pay for. Nevertheless, it is fun. You can attack people with the power of your voice!

http://www.newgrounds.com/collection/thenegotiator.html <--- There's a whole series of these negotiation games, all of them challenging. Also one of those annoying things that tries to make you pay for something or other, in this case certain in-between episodes.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/321218 <--- Very interesting sleuthing game.

In sum, I have been... uh... playing a lot of video games lately. Apologies. <_<

Argh.

2006-11-14T21:01:12Z

Apologies about severe lack of LJ-checkage, everyone. Nowadays whenever I get on a computer my brain thinks, "Hmm... webcomics, forums, Facebook... good, good! But I get the feeling I'm missing something. Ah well." At first I thought this something was my e-mail, but then I checked my e-mail, and realized it was, in fact, LiveJournal that I had been neglecting. So, apologies.

Not much going on. I am neglecting researching for a paper that I really should be working on right now, but meh, it's due next Tuesday. I've finally bought my mom's birthday present AND arranged for a shuttle to the bus station for my trip back home for Thanksgiving (at 8:00 AM, much to my chagrin, but otherwise I'd never catch the bus), and that's more than enough accomplishment for me today.

For those of you who don't know, there are two things I must say. One: I have dropped Latin. Oh, don't look at me like that. It was for the best, and Latin and I decided in the end that we just weren't meant for each other and had irreconcilable differences. We're still friends, even if we don't see each other as much anymore. We've moved on.

Two: I have seperated from Platypus. He has found himself a new girl, from what I have heard (He Facebook messaged me, Anna. I've still kept my promise.), and it sounds like she'll be able to understand him better. I will admit that I screwed up. A lot. Apparently I pretty much trampled over some things without even realizing it, things that he didn't feel comfortable sharing with me. But I also realized that I couldn't be a complete doormat, which is why I am not crawling back, and why I decided to seperate in the first place. I do feel like a complete jerk for not talking to him, but I just need to distance myself for a while. Anna and my roommates (surprisingly good therapists) concur.

At any rate... if at all possible, I think it'd be fun if you guys tried to summarize the past two and a half months of your life into one or two sentences in reply to this LJ entry, even if it happens to be a slightly embellished account (i.e. "And that's when I saved the Maiden Fair from the foul clutches of the Abyss, wherein she did leap into my arms and cry, "Oh, take me now, fair prince! I am all yours."" instead of "I helped this girl with her math homework today.") In fact, embellished accounts are highly encouraged. Ready... set... gogogo!

Apologies for lack of correspondence!

2006-09-04T19:20:08Z

My laptop has fuxx0red teh up. I am typing this from my roommate's computer, which I have had to mooch off of for the past week or so.

College is alright. I haven't made any friends nearly as good as those I had at Madeira, to tell the truth, but I've made, at the very least, a few friends and acquaintances. Not to mention that Kaitlin's here, and doing well, from what I can see. We live in dorms that are more or less next to each other. One of her new friends is obsessed with beautiful, beautiful Japanese men. o_o

There seems to be a sad lack of nerds here. I have only met two or three thus far, and my dorm floor is comprised mostly of preppy girls with fake laughs who throw oh-so-witty verbal barbs at each other, blast pop music at all hours of the day, and sometimes act like eight-year-olds... eighteen-year-old eight year olds. Not to say that the men's floor is too much better, since some of them were shouting about how they should shout about how a guy named Zach had gotten laid yesterday.

Other than those slight qualms, it is fun. There is a pool hall, and my classes actually hold my interest, for the most part. I have a job at the campus fast food/sandwich place, with shifts from 4:30- 9:30 PM on Mondays and Fridays, which will earn me 65 bucks a week. w00t w00t! Save up for Project Gaucher Birthday Trip For Teh 1337 Win! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you all... much. :P Nah, I miss you guys, as loathe as I am to admit it. But admittedly, being away from home is somewhat of a relief.

P.S. How is Lindzanna handling the longer distance? :o

P.S.S. I apologize. Zach was not the guy who had apparently scored, it was his roommate. I forget what his roommate's name is, but the only reason to include names would be for completionist's sake. Bah. Completionism. Who needs it?

WTF?

2006-08-19T00:37:24Z

What's your inner power? (Girls only sorry. Beautiful anime pictures, lengthy results)

Creativity- Your inner power is Creativity! Any of The Arts-music, dance, pure art, drama, creative writing-are your passion. You love the way you can control what happens to you and your life while you participate in any of The Arts, and you can push your emotions aside when you do so. You at times can feel very depressed and alone, and yet it only further fuels your love for your art. Life to you can often seem bitter and cruel, a world of darkness with only a few tiny flares of light, stretched out far in between one another. In a way youre confused with what you want in your life, and find it hard to trust people. Because of this people of the outside world see you as cold and uncaring, yet those who befriend you love you a lot, and know you are only very lonely and hurting. Boys are intrigued by your mysterious mask, and one day, one of them will reach passed your barriers and care for you the way you so desperately want to be cared for. Dont let the popular people get you down; you are a wonderful person, and without the creativity you bring the world, it would be a very boring place. Love yourself for who you are, for you are very special. Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet: A sweet, sensitive man/woman. The guy/girl who understands your need for being alone sometimes. Yet also someone who would do anything to protect you for being hurt, even if it means giving up their life. Your stone: Jade Your power: Dreaming/Imagination Your element: Dream A quote that applies to you: Dare to dream, dare to fly, dare to be the ever chosen one to touch the sky.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

I sound really EMO. Mostly because it was one of those quizzes where some of the options were just a tad too girly for me, I guess.

I hate you all.

2006-08-19T00:25:18Z

Do you know why?

Because most of your journals are friends-only now. Goddamn it, people! Why can't you let me lurk?! >_

w00t!

2006-07-06T21:51:41Z

You are a
Social Liberal
(68% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(23% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Of course, just because I'm apparently a Democrat doesn't mean I'm necessarily voting Democrat. I hope there's a more suitable third-party next election.

Up at Three AM.

2006-05-13T07:15:14Z

After watching some depressing Flash animations on Newgrounds, I find myself face to face with my own mortality. Induced by a sad Flash animation involving random objects made into locks for no apparent reason, might I add. I am suddenly painfully aware of the fact that one day Kevin will cease to exist, and slip away from my grasp whether we like it or not. I feel a strong wish to hold him in my arms right now, but obviously, that is impossible, and he is asleep by now. Of course, the numbing power of exhaustion is eating away at my painfully aware insomnia. It's rare that I have moments of contemplation like this, because I go through life dwelling on how many useless facts I can gather and make into something.

I need to work on my homework tomorrow. Probably won't, I just don't feel motivated enough anymore. Sunday cram session it is! Also, need to glaze some ceramics and work on that list of all the faculty that ever came to Madeira during my free periods, need to fill out job application... at least I'll be seeing Platypus in a week.

It's awesome to have a computer on-hand where I can actually record things. I sent a voice acting tryout for my favorite flash animation series of all time, which is at its finale and is apparently needing voice acting. I'm trying out because a) favorite flash series, b)opportunity to voice favorite character in said series, and c) I love spoilers (the flash artist warned that the voice actors would get major spoilers.) I don't want to get my hopes up, but at the same time, this would be awesome. And awesome in the obvious sort of way, not subtly awesome. Awesome as in having your favorite dessert for the first time in a while awesome.

I'm rambling. Should probably get to bed. G'night dudes.

Hi! I'm alive.

2006-04-21T14:41:31Z

I have not updated this in a while! Suffice to say, I am fine. I did not go to Operation X, but instead took a nap. I am the most well-rested I've ever been in months. However, I feel absolutely no motivation to do my Pre-Calculus homework (4 days worth), or serve off my 3 hours. I think I will wait until next week to serve off said hours, despite their pending-ness. Though, maybe I'll do something. I dunno, my free period's almost over.

Eeeenteresting.

2006-03-28T05:57:34Z

Your Raw Score is: 315, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous

Your appearance is Androgynous

Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.

You appear to socialize in a androgynous manner.

You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity.

You indicated your were born Female.

ANALYSIS:
Female to Male possible Transsexual
NOTES:

Your answers indicate you have altered your physical appearance to look like the opposite sex.

http://www.hemingways.org/GIDinfo/sage/

Well, it would seem that all the times I've tried on a 'stache have affected my score a bit. :P Nevertheless, it would seem that I'm the King/Queen of Androgyny.

RRRGH...

2006-03-08T21:13:18Z

Need to:

-Do Senior Project.
-Do Directing.
-Get my cell phone fixed.
-Something else in the back of my mind I've probably forgotten.

Most importantly, I need to KILL BILL. *cue music*

Short post of SPAM.

2006-03-06T05:33:11Z

I HAVE NOT DONE JACK OF MY HOMEWORK. :D

Blegh.

2006-03-03T17:05:28Z

Razabelle
You scored 51% Dark, 77% Crunch, and 65% Chewy!

You are a razabelle, from Godiva's Platinum Collection: Refreshing raspberry layered over sweet vanilla caramel and decked in dark chocolate.

What a great mix of fun, creativity, and sweetness you are...with just enough tang to always keep things interesting. There's never a dull moment with you around, you are truly full to the brim with new ideas (the more outrageous, the better!) There's not much you shy away from, plus, you're usually careful to take others into consideration and not step on anyone's toes. One of the coolest in the box.

Like this one? Try my other tests!

The Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Test
What Type of Human Are You?
Which Mixed Drink Are You?
Which Major US City Are You?
What Kind of Place Are You?

Please rate 'em if you like 'em! :)

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 56% on Dark

You scored higher than 96% on Crunchy

You scored higher than 53% on Chewy

Link: The Box of Chocolates Test written by weerediii on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I don't like my flavor. >P

I am neuter! PH3AR!

2006-03-02T01:01:12Z

Noncategorial
You scored 59% femininity, 49% masculinity, and 50% uncertainty!

Your soul isn't really girly, manly, or anything else! You are unclassifiable! You're probably asexual or nonsexual.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 59% on femininity

You scored higher than 62% on masculinity

You scored higher than 93% on uncertainty

Link: The What Gender Is Your Soul? Test written by Catdracona on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Jumping on the bandwagon? YES.

2006-02-18T05:37:05Z

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=fuckdamnshit
http://kevan.org/johari?name=fuckdamnshit

Do your worst. I know I have. :P

ARGHABABBLE.

2006-02-15T17:10:19Z

I now remember why it is that I hated braces so, now that I have them again on my lower teeth. On my upper teeth I have a retainer, which is currently making them ache. I'd eat lunch, but then I wouldn't want to put my retainer back on, so I wouldn't. But I'm hungry.

But that's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about the most ridiculous and shallow of things, in other words... "ZOMG NOW I WILL LOOK UG-LEE AND PLATYPUS WILL NOT WANT TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH ME."

Which is weird, because most of the time I wouldn't even care about that sort of thing. I mean, beauty is only skin-deep, right? Surely a line of hideous hurty bracket-things on my bottom teeth won't change that. Or a retainer on top that makes me sound like I have a lithp. And both causing the effect of -5 in Attractiveness.

@$!#!@#!@#!@#^$%$@%. I am now irritable.

Arghababble.

2006-02-10T14:17:02Z

Damnable Parent's Weekend. We hates it forever. I'm going to sleep during it.

Ragannadalio, do you know what time rehearsal is today? I'd be almost eternally grateful to know. Almost.

Not much going on right now. Was feeling sick to my stomach yesterday (and, since a lot of people asked, I wasn't menstruating. Brought to you by the Too Much Information Committee.) I have near-to-no motivation to do schoolwork, despite the fact that I know I should. Instead I spent last night researching this anime and manga series from the same person who created Ranma 1/2 and Inuyasha, which came before both. Curse you, Ashley and Kaitlin. You'd love this series. It has crossdressers and all.

Hmmm. Well, I'll leave you with this.

--------]-<(-_-<)
>-[--(o_o<)
>-[(>_<<)
-[-------- ~`~ <(-_- )>

SEPPUKU KIRBY.

Note to self.

2006-02-04T06:38:07Z

Don't try playing DDR on an ankle that might be sprained. Ow.

I still dunno whether it's sprained or not. The pain hasn't gone away since this morning, and it was not very fun walking up and down stairs with it. Also, the fact that no matter how much I wriggled my other ankle it didn't hurt must've been a sign.

Platypus and I watched Grizzly Man tonight. It was kind of sad, though Timothy Treadwell seemed kind of like an arrogant ass. As Platypus pointed out, he turned to drinking because society had cast him on its outskirts, and turned from drinking to grizzly bears because he felt it was more productive. Plus, he seemed to be very lonely, and the only way he could deal with it was to lavish an overabundance of love on the grizzly bears and foxes. Poor Timothy Treadwell. I kind of feel like I don't feel as sorry for him as I ought. I don't think he deserved to die, but I don't feel heartwrenching pity. Part of my usual detachment, I guess.

WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME. DON'T HURT ME. NO MORE.

2006-02-02T13:01:33Z

Song reference? Indeed. Quite catchy song, too.

Love is being able to trust someone enough to be able to show them EVERYTHING about you, good and bad, with them not running off and saying "screw you," with them knowing that they can do the same with you. I think that's why they generally talk about the "communication" aspect of a relationship. That is why there are so many people willing to believe in a loving, caring god who constantly looks out for everyone and everything despite all evidence to the contrary. Because people want to have someone to have their back and who'll come through for them when human beings can't. Problem is, at least for me, I don't think there is such thing as a god, let alone a loving caring benevolent one.

Some people find the love and understanding they seek by showing a whole bunch of people a few fragments of themselves. The problem with this is that there's an understanding that if you accidentally show said people more of your true self than intended, they'll laugh or do something equally insensitive. This is because showing a whole bunch of people tiny slivers and fragments of yourself is what is called a shallow friendship. It's not really friendship, because you can't depend on them to come through for you when you really need it, just like they probably can't for you.

At the other extreme are complete stoics. These are people who believe that they can't depend on or trust anyone but themselves, and so bottle up their emotions completely and don't really show people much of a sliver of anything. The problem with this one is that, sometimes, you just can't deal with something all by yourself, and need someone to talk to. But since people who are stoics generally tell other people to suck it up, when they do need help there's no one there. So this doesn't work either.

In between these is the having about ten or so close friends who you can depend on for almost anything, and the having of just a best friend. Having ten or so close friends means that you always have someone to talk to, unless there's something so serious that they don't know how to deal with it. From my point of view, this is one of the best situations you can be in. Being surrounded by people who really care, and who can count on you as well, is a Good Thing. The problem is, as aforementioned, there are some things that you need more comfort for than even a big group of friends can give.

The having of a best friend I've saved for last. Best friendship is more-or-less being able to depend on someone no matter what, and them being able to depend on you the same. These are the people who would bail you out of jail with their paycheck, just as you would testify to their integrity in court. There's one problem with just having a best friend: if you have a falling-out, or if they die, or aren't available, then it's a disaster. So it's always good to have some backup, even if it's not quite the same.

What does this have to do with love? Everything. Loving one person should be equivalent to having a best friend. Otherwise, why bother with just one? :P Love doesn't even have to be in the usual sense. Understanding and trusting can be separate from sexuality. Sex is easily replaceable. A person or people who you can rely on almost utterly is not. It takes TIME to build up that sort of bond, whereas one-night stands, well... take one night. So there. *gets off soapbox*

Trip to New York Report.

2006-01-30T03:04:06Z

Was very good, though much too short. I spent Friday with my mom. It was nice, and we went to an Italian restaurant, but I much rather would've preferred to spend the night with Platypus. It made the following day feel like it wasn't long enough.

Platypus's play was very good. It was a theatrical rendition of Dracula, and it rendered me initially skeptical. Some of the actors sounded like they were reading off cue-cards. But Platypus was excellent (he provided comic relief with a Cockney accent and constant drinking), as were the people who played Renfield (the seemingly crazy servant of Dracula), Mrs. Fern (an assistant of Quincy's), Dracula, and Van Helsing. It picked up in the second act. The staking scene was especially good, with the added bonus of breaking a chaise.

I tried to sneak backstage in order to give Platypus the donut I'd purchased for him, but alas, I was turned out by a disgruntled stage manager. After a hijinks involving me stuffing the napkin-wrapped donut into my sweater (they didn't allow food in the theater), I finally got it to him after the play. It was apparently delicious.

Afterwards we went to the cast party. A few people partook in consumption of alcoholic beverages, but I declined. I've never been a big fan of boozing it up, anyways. Some people smoked. I felt somewhat awkward, not necessarily due to the smoking and drinking, but the fact that everyone looked much older than me. They were so very tall, and some looked about twenty. Surely, some of them must have not been seniors. Platypus sampled some Bacardi with Raspberry, but quickly threw away the remaining liquid, stating, "Too much raspberry." A few of his friends began playing music, but their amps were set to EXTREMELY LOUD, and I couldn't hear what they were singing. Platypus and I left quickly, arriving at his house much before the curfew of one AM.

According to Platypus, one of his friends from the play described me as "hot". This friend was also a Japanophile. Ergo, I discounted this as an example of the "Asian fetish" syndrome, and paid it no heed.

The rest of the night was spent in each other's arms for the most part, watching Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Platypus said that he would come down to see our Winter Musical if he could, so any of you who GO TO SEE THE PLAY will get to see him, most likely. (*insert certainly not blatant advertisement for Peter Pan here*) Eventually we fell asleep. In the same space. ONOZ. It's beyond me why sleeping in the same bed automatically connotates sex.

At any rate, we didn't have much of a morning to spend together, so I felt kind of cheated by time. And sleep. CURSE YOU, BIOLOGICAL NEED TO CLOSE EYES FOR ABOUT EIGHT HOURS OR LESS IN ORDER TO FUNCTION! So, yes. That is how I spent my weekend, and got none of my homework done.

Catherine and I really need to finish that catapult for HOST tomorrow. And I need to finish the rest of my homework later tonight or during my free period tomorrow. I'm failing at least half my classes, and only HOST and Ceramics are buoying my grade past the danger limit (I hope). Damn my lack of motivation. Damn my urge to search for the world's smallest fish instead ( http://rmbr.nus.edu.sg/news/index.php?entry=/pub/20060125-Paedocypris.txt ). Damn my inability to write an essay after all this time. And damn my need to use my weekend in an unconstructive, but utterly worthwhile manner with the person I love. At any rate, enough dwelling! Onwards, to battle and death and the glory of ROHAN- ImeanValhalla!